One year ago, my heart broke in a million pieces.  One year.  How can it be?!  Wasn’t it just a month ago that Kenn died???  This has been a tough year.  People always said you never know what it’s like to lose your spouse until it happens to you.  And they were so right.  You THINK you know what it would be like.  But you don’t.  Life totally and completely changed at that moment, unlike any other change I had experienced before.

I have evolved over the year, though.  At the beginning, all I did was replay over and over my final days with him and then seeing his beautiful, lifeless body at the hospital. I now can think of so many sweet things about him.  He told me repeatedly, over our few years together, how happy he was with me and our life together.  And, while he adored his extended family, (and, since I loved him so, I was so happy he loved and spent time with them as much as possible) he told me often that his absolute favorite place to be was with me, just the two of us, at the place we both cherished—our home on Norris Lake.  He was funny, loving, goofy, and strong.  No matter where life takes me, I know I will miss and love him until the day I die.

The following is a letter I wrote for the pastor to read at his memorial.  I still thank God daily for my sweet Kenn.

Every morning for the past few years, when I wake up, I say ‘thank you, God, for letting me wake up, and thank you for my sweet Kenn’.

Kenn and I found each other on the heels of both of us experiencing life’s most difficult moments. After unexpectedly losing his wife, Kenn lost 45 lbs. in two months and was grieving himself to death. He adored Nancy. I know, without a doubt, he found me in survival mode. It didn’t take us long to know we truly enjoyed each other’s company, and, after 2+ years, we married. In the next three years and three months, we have rarely been apart. We often said to each other, ‘let’s not take one day for granted as we never know what the next day will bring’ and we didn’t. We have laughed and loved every single day. Kenn did everything ‘hard’-worked hard, slept hard, played hard, and loved hard. He was my rock and gave the very best hugs.

As most of you know, we met on Christian Mingle. Below are some saved letters he sent to me. The first one was the evening before we met in person.

Belinda,
By this time tomorrow, we will have met and gotten back home to our own pillows. No matter what the impact is after our first visit, I want you to know that you have been incredibly nice and special to me in ways I cant explain and don’t understand. If our relationship blossoms and grows, I will know that I could not have waited one more day to find you. If it falters and fades away, we will have to be at peace knowing that our Father in Heaven is protecting us as his children, and in his time, he will show us the way. I hope this is His time, and that it is His hand guiding us into a relationship that he planned when we could not know.
Kenn

This next one is after meeting at an Olive Garden in Bowling Green, KY.

Belinda,
I am so glad I met you and I am so looking forward to see what God has in store for us. I cant see clearly how this will all play out me in Cincy you in McMurphyville (Murfreesboro) but I can say, after spending the past two weeks talking and texting and emailing, and our incredible day in Bowling Green, that I want us to work out. I hope you are as ready as I am to be able to say that these past couple of weeks were the first days of the rest of our lives.
Kenn

Then, this last one was several months later, after meeting my sons and some of my dear friends who helped me through my roughest days.

Belinda, Thank you so much for a wonderful weekend. There was not a single thing that I would have rather done than be with you and meet your sons who are both special in their own way, but more important, special to you which makes them special to me. It was very nice to meet your friends and realize that God puts in place everything and everyone we need to help and comfort us as we navigate the paths of our lives. I am glad—so glad our paths have united and look forward to our continued walk side by side hand in hand. I love you and am so looking forward to Friday— you are in my every thought and in my prayers.
Kenn

I suppose I will never understand why God chose to take him at this point in our lives. We were so happy and so in love. I truly believe—and others have said so that knew us well—that we shared more joy and love in our short marriage than some people do in a lifetime. I can honestly say, even through the horrendous pain and heartbreak of this past week and a half, I wouldn’t trade one second that I had with him.

So I will continue to praise my God, and every morning, wake up and say, ‘Thank you for my sweet Kenn’.