February 2nd. Groundhog Day. Gary Snyder’s birthday. Jonathan’s 20th new birthday. My ‘New Adventure’ 4th anniversary. And the first day I’ve ever had to visit a skilled nursing facility/nursing home for my much loved mother.
Wasn’t it just a few months ago that I started this blog?? Four years into my adventure. If anyone would have told me back then all the changes that would happen in my life in that period of time, I would have thought they were crazy. It’s funny how fast time goes by…..and how much faster it seems to travel in my later years. All in all, I’ve had a very happy four years. There have been moments, of course…..losing Krystal, some loneliness early on, and (the most stressful) my mom getting sick.
Mom is currently in the hospital but will be moved to rehab tomorrow. The goal is to get her stronger so she can move back home with her wonderful caregiver Edna. But she is 88 years old. How much strength, endurance, will, does she have left? She’s always said she will live to be 90. And she may. As I was sitting in the ER with her after arrival to St. Elizabeth Hospital, I watched her vitals monitor. Beep….beep….beep went her heart like the ticking of a clock. 19…..20….19 breaths taken. Then a deep breath…………oh there’s another one. Phew. I got very philosophical and retrospective watching that machine that gave evidence of life. I prayed for her……then thought ‘wouldn’t Nan have loved to have her mom around for 88 years’?! (Nan is a dear friend who lost her mom when she was nine years old.).
I think….no, I KNOW…it will be painful to lose my mom even if she makes it another 20 years. Yes, I have full confidence in where her eternity will be spent and He gives me peace with that reality. But pain will be felt. I guess the only way to avoid that pain is to never love at all. But if we don’t love, what’s the point of living? I pray she is free of pain and happy. That is what my brother and sister want most for her, too. In the meantime, we try to do what’s best for her. And we love her.



















