Today, I turned 57 years old.  And I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.  I’ve always believed that people have a purpose in this life.  If you have no purpose, you have no life.  For 28 years, I had no doubt whatsoever what my purpose was– to be mom (and a LOT of the time dad, due to Paul’s travel schedule) to my two sons, Jonathan and Ryan.  Since my boys are ten years apart, when Jonathan was 18 and heading off for college, I still had an eight year old who needed mothering.  I saw it as a great privilege to be able to be a stay-at-home mother.  I enjoyed being soccer team mom, room mother during their elementary school years, Sunday School teacher, etc.  I wanted to be a mother first and foremost all of my life, ever since I was a little girl.  I got dolls for Christmas every year until I was eleven or twelve years old.  I wanted to practice!  

But eventually, I was forced into retirement.  Now that both boys are grown and married, I don’t get the call so often to be their soccer team mom.  Oh they still need me, they just don’t NEED me.  Therefore, I find myself at crossroads in life.

Now I am absolutely sure I still have a purpose.  In my last post, I spoke of several brushes with death.  Five to be exact, with some being brushier than others.  The first, which was most likely my brushiest, was when I drank gasoline at 16 months of age.  I don’t remember that too well, but I do remember when my appendix ruptured around my 30th birthday.  I spent two weeks in the hospital that time.  Then more recently, about six years ago, my heart decided it was tired of doing its job.  That probably was almost as brushy as the gasoline incident.  Anyway, I now have a pacemaker and defibrillator implanted and I take a handful of pills and feel almost normal.  Even more recently, about two and a half years ago, the docs thought I had ovarian cancer.  Surgery was done by an oncologist, and it turned out to be benign.  Lastly, and my least brushy so far, was the discovery of a melanoma on my arm.  Yes, I was a sun worshipper back in the day, and now my skin is paying the price.  I’ve also had two skin cancers on my shin, but they were minor types so I don’t consider them brushes at all.  

All of this is to say—-I’m still here!  If I had no purpose, I should have left this world when I was 16 months…or 30 years…or three times in the past six years!  I can think of small purposes right now….being a friend, being a daughter, being an occasional caregiver.  But I’m still looking for that grand purpose, that rivals being a mom.  I know it’s out there.  I just have to try to be patient and let God lead me to it!

Hmm….maybe I should go to college!  I could pledge a sorority, join the drill team….oh the possibilities!!!