Ever since I was 18, I’ve lived away from my hometown of Orange, Texas.  My parents lived there, so I visited as often as I could.  Every time I left, my folks would stand in their driveway, waving until I was out of site.  As hard as it was to drive away, it was harder to be the one waving them goodbye when they came to visit me.  I always wondered what it would be like when there was just one of them waving me goodbye.  I found out in 2004, when Daddy unexpectedly died.  That was hard.  Then, I found out in 2017 what it was like to have no one waving me goodbye, when Momma died.  Very hard.

I’ve been spending a great deal of time lately thinking about where I should live.  I guess ‘should’ isn’t the right word.  Is there really a place one should live? I guess it’s more of a question of where you want to live, or, in some instances, need to live.  But I am trying to figure out where the best place is for me.

I haven’t moved away from the home Kenn and I shared and loved.   It’s a big house, much larger than I need or want.  And the only reason I moved here in the first place was to be with Kenn.  It has a beautiful, panoramic view of Norris Lake and overly large living space to entertain people.  Kenn put so much effort into our house.  From hanging things up (like an 18 foot canoe!), to creating a storage room and movie room to die for, his touches are in every room and on almost every wall.  As I attempt to move forward in my life, is this house keeping me stagnant?  Or is it comforting me as I embrace life?  Or neither?? 

Kenn died exactly two and a half years ago as I write this.  When he died, I stopped feeling like I belong.     Anywhere.      Not just in our home.  I still travel like I’ve always enjoyed—mostly solo, but occasionally with friends.  But there’s a sense of unease every time and everywhere I go.  Like I’m grasping at trying to find my place in the world.  Sometimes, I long to return to Murfreesboro, where I lived for a short two years before moving to the lake.  Sometimes I long to be near family down in Texas.  Sometimes I long to go to Montana, which is a story for another day.  Will I ever feel settled again before I go home to heaven?

I’ve made a list of pros and cons.  They are even!  I guess I just want to have a definite plan if or when I sell my current home.  I realize that I’m not getting any younger and the need part of moving might creep in.  Do I wait for that?!  Looking back, I can honestly say that I was happy everywhere I’ve lived.  I’ve made lifelong friends everywhere.  So, as I ponder, I’m hoping the best choice is right around the corner!